


I Will Never Let You Go

by lupinseclipse



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Baz rescues Simon, Gay, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lots of Crying, M/M, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Rescue Mission, SnowBaz, abusive household, carry on, mlm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26276023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lupinseclipse/pseuds/lupinseclipse
Summary: I shouldn't be here. He told me not to come. He told me never to come. But I had to. I need to see him, need to know what's happening to him, need to help him.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 1
Kudos: 91





	I Will Never Let You Go

*****TRIGGER WARNING*** Implied child abuse**

I shouldn't be here. He told me not to come. He told me _never_ to come. But I had to. I need to see him, need to know what's happening to him, need to help him.

He's been on radio silence for a month now, and I'm scared for him. I'm _terrified_ for him. I don't know much about his home life, only that it's not the best and he doesn't live in the nicest house.

Well that was a fucking lie.

His house is _massive._ It's one of those funky posh mansion things that very rich people live in, which is weird. Why would his house be this awesome and posh, and yet his clothes are tattered and falling apart? It makes no sense. Unless...

I bite my lip and walk up to the gates. They have been left open, and there are no cars parked on the gravel, just a couple of bikes. I look around and walk further onto the property, past the front garden and towards the main entrance.

(I'm calling it the main entrance because the doors are fucking massive and all carved and shit. It's so posh and fancy. I genuinely can't believe he lives here.)

The garden and front of the house is immaculate; lawn freshly mown, plants watered and in full flower, nothing out of place. It's a bit spooky.

Taking a deep breath, I stand on the porch and reach out, hesitating for a second, before knocking. Three sharp, loud knocks, rapping my knuckles against the white wood. I should probably use the door knocker, but it looks freshly cleaned, and my hands are not. 

(Give me a break, okay? I came here straight from college and I had art class today.)

I step back slightly and wait.

I _really_ shouldn't be here.

The butterflies in my stomach are flying around in frantic circles, jumping around and making me feel sick. The longer I wait, the more they flutter.

One minute, two minutes, three, four...

It looks like no-one is going to come to the door. Which makes me even more scared. He could just be out with his family, or... Or... Actually, I'm not going to think about that. I don't want that to be true, so I'm not going to think about it.

I decide to knock again, three more sharp, loud knocks, just in case someone is in and will answer. I keep my fingers crossed on my other hand. I _need_ to see him. To make sure he's okay. 

One minute, two minutes...

I sigh. I'll come back another day. Just as I'm about to turn around and leave, I hear a click coming from behind the door, then a snap, and a key being turned in a lock. I perk up, hopeful. I want it to be him.

The door creeks open the tiniest crack, and an eye looks out at me from behind it. I'm slightly confused, and _extremely_ worried.

"Hello," I say to the eye, "I'm here to see my friend, I think this is his house. His name is Simon. Simon Snow. Have I got the right house?"

The eye widens, as if it's recognised me, and tears start to pool in the bottom of it.

"You can't be here," A pained, scratchy voice says, "Get away from here. Please."

I frown, "I need to see Simon. Can you tell him Baz Pitch is here? Please?"

A tear escapes the eye, "No. You need to leave. Now."

"But I have to see Simon. I've not heard from him for a month!" I'm getting frantic now. I _need_ to see Simon. 

"Baz, get away from here."

The voice cracks slightly, and my heart stops. I know that voice. I've heard that voice almost every day for seven years. I've fought with that voice, and fallen in love with that voice. 

"Snow," I whisper, "Fuck, Simon. Come on, I need to see you. Please. I haven't seen you for a month. Please. Come out from the door. Let me hug you. I need to see you, need to know you're okay. Please."

Another tear falls, "Leave. Please."

"No," I step forwards, the uncomfortable feeling of dread collecting in the pit of my stomach, "No, Snow let me see you. Let me talk to you."

" _Baz._ Fuck... Leave. I can't let you stay. I don't know how long he will be gone. Go, now!"

"I will not! Can I see you? Let me see the whole you. I need to see what has happened to you," I say, trying to keep my cool, but on the inside, I'm completely freaking out.

"No. Get out of here. I won't ask again, please," He says. He sounds broken, scared, upset, and all I want to do, is take him into my arms and hold him, make sure he's safe.

"Simon!" I step forwards and push the door, hard, harder than I meant to. It gives way instantly, and there is a thump and a cry from behind it.

'Shit,' I think to myself, 'I hurt Snow.' I push it open the full way and walk into the hallway, biting my lip.

I still as I see Simon, shocked.

He's lying on the floor, his arms covering his head, protecting. him. He's whimpering and looks fucking _terrified_ , but that's not what shocked me.

There are bruises covering any bit of his skin that is showing, big, bold bruises on him. He has black eyes, a purple, swollen lip and numerous cuts littered on his face, arms and legs. His clothes are hanging off him, torn and tattered and he is incredibly thin. And his normally bouncy bronze curls are flat, their colour fading.

I can't believe it.

"God's sake, _Baz!"_ He shouts weakly, attempting to hide his face behind his hands, "I told you to go. It's dangerous. Please!"

"Si," I whisper.

"No! Get out, go, leave. Just... GO AWAY!" He scrambles backwards and when his back hits the wall, he flinches violently.

"Simon," I say firmly, putting on my professional 'I'm-going-to-save-you' mask. I need to stay calm and collected, for him. 'Coz if I freak out, God knows what he will do.

"He could come back any minute," Simon whispers, "You need to leave. He'll kill you, and then me. Leave. Baz..."

I ignore him, though that but of news hits me like a punch in the guts. Is that the kind of man Simon has to live with? "Where is your room?"

"What?"

"Your room. Bedroom. Where is it?"

"I... I um. I don't exactly have a bedroom," He mumbles, looking at the floor, "There's a sort of roomy thing on the-"

"Can you take me there?" I know I'm being abrupt, and I'm probably scaring him, but I need to get him out of here asap.

"I... Yeah, I guess," He says, starting to get up. I can see it hurts him too, but when I reach out to help him, he flinches and moves away from me.

I wonder exactly how much damage has been done.

Simon hobbles ahead of me, leaning on the wall heavily for support. We don't walk very far, just until we get to a small, black door down a cold, thin corridor. I can see him biting his lip, and he shoots a sideways glance at me, nervous.

"Come on Snow. We don't have much time," I say, my nerves making me snappish.

He jumps slightly, but nods and pushes open the door, hobbling into the room and collapsing onto the bed, me hot on his tail.

How can he possibly live here?

His room tiny, only room for a desk, sink, bed and chest of draws, with a small space in the middle, where a tattered beanbag rests. It's not the room he deserves at all. And why does he have this room when he lives in a massive posh house? Surely he should be in a master bedroom or something. That's what he deserves. Not this dipshit broom cupboard. 

I can't bear to see this. Simon's breaking down when he's at ~~home~~ , no. This isn't home for Simon. It's a house. Just a house. I think he feels more at home at Watford than at this place, stuck here with an asshole for a... Father? Guardian? I don't know.

I pull myself together, knowing that if I show emotion, Simon will completely give up. He's like that. He needs to know that others are okay when he is at his breaking point, else he will shatter. I look at him now, he's curled up on the bed, back against the wall and is looking at me, his eyes glistening with tears. Clenching my fists, I walk over to his draws, opening everyone and emptying them into a pile on the floor.

"Hey!" He calls from his position on the bed, "What are you doing?"

"Get me a bag," I say in response, "Any bag. One that will fit all your shit in."

"I-"

"Just do it," My teeth are gritted and I empty the last draw, leaving me with a small pile of clothes and three personal belongings: a photo frame, his phone and a little box that's locked. All his college things must be at Watford.

Something lands beside me and I look over; a bag is resting next to his things, so I shove all of it in the bag. It's a small bag, but his things don't even fill it.

"Do you have anything else?" I ask him, slinging the bag over my shoulder and standing up, looking around the room.

"No," He says, his voice quiet and shaking.

"Okay. Let's go," I stretch my arm towards him slowly, so he sees me coming, and take his hand. He does flinch, but not as violently as before, and he takes my hand, allowing me to pull him in for a hug and press a kiss to his hair.

God, I've missed having him in my arms.

"Baz..." His voice breaks, muffled as his face is pressed into my shoulder.

"Shush," I whisper, "Let's get out of here first."

He nods, so I pull back, keeping one of his arms over my shoulders and wrapping my free arm around his waist, supporting him. We sneak back through the house and to the front door, where I look out nervously, but there are no cars on the gravel. His shitty 'carer' isn't back yet, thank God.

My mouth set in a grim line, I shut the front door behind us and push on, holding Simon. I think I'm supporting most of his weight, but he is so _light._ I don't think he's eaten much at all while he's been trapped here.

We leave the grounds, exiting through the gates and head down a footpath next to the house, Simon leaning on me even more now. I can tell he's in a lot of pain. He's gasping sometimes, clutching his side and his face twists when pain shoots through his body.

"Baz. I need to-" He gasps and stumbles, but I don't let him fall. I hold him close and support him.

"It's okay, Si. My car isn't far from here," I inwardly curse myself for parking at the supermarket and for not driving straight to the house. Simon doesn't look like he's going make it. Luckily, it is only a few more meters away.

"Please, Baz," He says, the pain evident in his voice.

"I know, baby, I know. Come on. You're doing so well. Just a little bit further. Not that far. You can do this," I say, in what I hope is an encouraging manner.

"I can't. I can't. Please."

"No, love, keep going, for me. We're literally here. Come one, just a few more steps, then we are at my car," I'm not exaggerating here. The supermarket is right in front of us now, and my car is about two meters to out left. I haul Simon to the car, unlocking it and helping him into the passenger seat, putting his bag at his feet. He just collapses onto the seat, groaning loudly and clutching his side. My forehead creases with worry and I run to the drivers side, getting in and starting the car.

"You need to go to hospital," I say as we drive out of the car park and hut the main road.

"Ugh, no," He moans, "'M not going there. Just yours. Please."

"Simon-"

"Baz," He looks at me and it's a wonder I don't break right then and there. He just looks so _tired._ This isn't the Simon I know. This new Simon is scaring me. He's like a whole other boy, and I hate this. He's not _my_ Simon. I need my Simon back. My funny, loving Simon.

I know he needs the hospital. He looks like he is in so much pain, but he won't be happy if we go now. He'll be happy curled up in my bed.

I sigh, but don't take the route to the hospital. Instead, I turn off the main road early and head down the road that leads to my flat. The drive only takes fifteen more minutes, then we are at my flat. Simon looks dead on his feet, so I quickly get him out of the car and into the flat.

(Thank God I live on the ground floor.)

I practically carry him to my room and lay him down on the bed, leaving his bag at the foot of the bed and sitting down next to him, my hand on his arm.

"Fuck Baz," He says, and I can see the tears spilling out of his eyes.

"You're safe, love. You're in my flat, you're in my care and you never _ever_ have to go back to that house, okay?" I move my hand from his arm to his head and run my fingers through his hair. He seems to lean into the touch, "You're safe."

"I," He takes a deep breath, "I don't... I can't... Baz..."

My heart clenches and I struggle to hold back my own tears. I can't stand to see him like this. My Simon, my beautiful, bubbly, scone-obsessed Simon reduced to a broken shell of a boy, bloody and bruised.

I shift around, toeing off my shoes, then I lie down facing him, wrapping one arm around his waist and one around his back, my hand cradling his head.

"I'm not gunna leave you, alright?" I whisper, kissing his flat curls. I feel his arms snake around my neck and he buries his face in the crook of my neck.

"Please," He says, then he tenses, and a massive sob rips through his body. My shoulder feels wet.

"Let it all out, Si. Just let it all out," I rub small circles on his back, holding him close.

"Baz," He tightens his hold on me, as if he's scared I'm going to leave him, "Stay with me."

Then the sobs start coming. He lets go and just cries, releasing all the energy he's been holding in.

"I'm here, Si. I'm here," I mutter into his hair and he cries.

"Don't... Don't go," He says between sobs, his body shaking, his hands gripping my shirt.

I kiss his curls and tighten my grip on him, rocking him.

"I will _never_ let you go."

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, you guessed it. Another impulse written snowbaz fic done at midnight! Hope you enjoyed :) I went for a more angsty one today, coz I've just started back at school and am feeling shit, so you got this haha.  
> Also, if you haven't seen, the first chapter to the sequel to the cute forge boy is up!! It's called 'The Daily Struggles.' Check my works for it.  
> See you at the next one!


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